Job Application

[mardyn]

JOB APPLICATION



NAME: John Kerry

RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth
multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four months).

EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut
every
law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of Boston to
remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my
neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).

MILITARY:
I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get
an
early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented
by
the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I then
returned
to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted
returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were
baby
killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my medals, ribbons,
or
something away in protest. Or did I? My book "Vietnam Veterans Against
the
War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly feel about the military. I
served
in Vietnam (four months).

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my
counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get
admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been
there
ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying very rich
women
and running their companies vicariously through them. I served in
Vietnam
(four months).

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record,
exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently
failed
to support our military and CIA by voting against their budgets, thus
gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for
the
Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it.
I
voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help
this
country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected. I
served
in Vietnam (four months).

My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he
will
never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have
never
agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite
family
wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).

I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in
places
like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper
cost
of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush for sending
all
of the other jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam (four months).

Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted
Kennedy
and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might
spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served in
Vietnam
(four months).

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).

PERSONAL I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I
ride
a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet the
"Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel
yacht
the "Scarmouche".


I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real
culture.

I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer
mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and
blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four
months).

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004




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