French Terror Alert

[AL P]

API and UPI reported today that the French Government announced
that it has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two
higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate." This may have
been precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed one of their White Flag
factories, disabling their Military for the time being.

[SMOKEY]

LOL!!!!! That is great. You forgot the highest level, which is to have the American's/British come and save their asses.

[Luftdude]

LOL!!!!! That is great. You forgot the highest level, which is to have the American's/British come and save their asses.

And when was the last time they used that level? Oh, that's right, almost 60 years ago thanks to Hitler.

[That_Is_My_El_Camino]

And when was the last time they used that level? Oh, that's right, almost 60 years ago thanks to Hitler.

Did they ask us for help with Vietnam or just run and hide?

[AL P]

Did they ask us for help with Vietnam or just run and hide?

Actually they begged us to A-bomb the North Vietnamese and then ran and hid.

[01WhiteCobra]

French Military History

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."

[Toolman]

the french make good frys..

[Wario]

I’m convinced that a handful of us from dfwstangs could take France if we wanted it.

[mikeb]

http://history1900s.about.com/library/graphics/hitler38.gif

[01WhiteCobra]

...

I got almost that same pic, but from the late 60s when I was 5. I'll see if I can't dig it up and scan it in.

[mikeb]

That picture.... says it all about the french and their "fortitude".

Saw an article in the news today about the liberation of france during WW2. Think they remember that now, and who dug them out of the poop? Nope.

The muslim extremists apparently have gained a stong presence in france, and now have threatened violence:

http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/europe/03/17/france.threats/

I expect france will surrender..... again....

[austin]

somebody either has way too much time, or knows alot about the french.

[Viper]

I’m convinced that a handful of us from dfwstangs could take France if we wanted it.
I bet dfwstangs women is all we need to take France.

[AL P]

I got almost that same pic, but from the late 60s when I was 5. I'll see if I can't dig it up and scan it in.

Didn't you feel a little out of place in the Nazi uniform in the late 60s?

[SMOKEY]

I’m convinced that a handful of us from dfwstangs could take France if we wanted it.

hahahah...LOL.