Tweakd
07-22-2003, 01:55 PM
GRIPE SHEET:
>
> After every flight, pilots fill out a form
> called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the
> mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
> during the flight that need repair or correction.
>
>
> The mechanics read and correct the problem, and
> then respond in writing on the lower half of the
> form what remedial action was taken, and the
> pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next
> flight.
>
> Never let it be said that ground crews and
> engineers lack a sense of humour.
>
> Here are some actual logged maintenance
> complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas
> pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
> engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major
> airline that has never had an accident.
>
> (P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
> (S = The solution and action taken by the
> engineers.)
>
> P: Left inside main tyre almost needs
> replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
> feet per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're there for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,
> and be serious.
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
> Sounds like a midget pounding on something with
> a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.
>
> After every flight, pilots fill out a form
> called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the
> mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
> during the flight that need repair or correction.
>
>
> The mechanics read and correct the problem, and
> then respond in writing on the lower half of the
> form what remedial action was taken, and the
> pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next
> flight.
>
> Never let it be said that ground crews and
> engineers lack a sense of humour.
>
> Here are some actual logged maintenance
> complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas
> pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
> engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major
> airline that has never had an accident.
>
> (P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
> (S = The solution and action taken by the
> engineers.)
>
> P: Left inside main tyre almost needs
> replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
> feet per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what they're there for.
>
> P: IFF inoperative.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,
> and be serious.
>
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
> Sounds like a midget pounding on something with
> a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget.